If you’ve been trying harder, giving more, or looking to the people you love most to give you that delicious, satisfying feeling of being filled up and worthy, you may have discovered this painful truth: It doesn’t work.
One of the biggest barriers to women feeling content, cherished, and loved is that we have been sold a bill of goods by our family, culture, the media, and even our spiritual or religious communities.
The bill of goods is a false belief that in order you for you to feel loved, cherished, and worthy, you either must have been chosen by someone (in other words, be in a relationship), or if you’re in a relationship, your partner must behave in ways that demonstrate or prove that you’re lovable.
If you are living with this unquestioned belief, you will feel hopelessly vulnerable, and afraid.
This belief — that you feeling good is outside your control — will cause you to constantly strive to get your needs met through an outside-in focus. In other words, you will try to get others to act or behave in ways that create the feeling in you of being good enough, worthy, and loved.
Most women I know suffer under this unquestioned belief, and it breaks my heart.
It breaks my heart because I know from both personal and professional experience that:
- It isn’t true, and
- Feeling loved, cherished, and taken care of is within your power to create for yourself — the inside job of returning to you, reclaiming what is yours, and receiving what is meant for you.
That’s why you are the starting point for everything you want to be, to do, or to have.
And if you don’t know how to return to your authentic truth, the essence of who you are, you will not be able to create the life of your dreams.
Here are four simple questions you can ask yourself to begin returning to you:
- What am I experiencing with my five senses (eyes, ears, nose, tongue, or touch) in this moment?
- What emotions am I feeling in this moment? The 8 basic emotions are love, fear, guilt, shame, anger, joy, pain, and passion. It’s not uncommon to feel more than one emotion at the same time, so feel free to choose all that apply!
- What are the thoughts I’m currently thinking, and are they stressful or good-feeling thoughts? Hint: if you’re currently feeling a stressful thought, an excellent follow-up question is, “Can I find a better feeling thought in this moment/in this situation?”
- What actions or behaviors am I engaged in at this moment, and what do those actions tell me about myself, or ask of me, if anything?
It’s that simple! When you answer these four questions you know everything there is to know about who you are in the moment.
Of course, there is a lot more to know about you as you return to your authentic truth. How to process or manage painful emotions, and what to do about repetitive and stressful thoughts are a few examples.
And in the meantime, you can ask yourself these four questions any time you’re feeling lost, unsure of yourself, or believe you just don’t know who you are.
Beginning with you is always the best place to start.
Vicki Tidwell Palmer ©2020