I’m coming to you today from my kitchen to share a story about the importance of self-love.
In my work with women over the past 3+ decades, I’ve seen time and again that one of the biggest mistakes we make is that we look to our relationships or other people as the source for receiving love, approval, a feeling of “enoughness” or worthiness.
We look outside for all of these delicious feelings that we are longing, sometimes desperately, to feel.
And when we do this it causes us pain, frustration, and heartbreak. And it wastes a lot of our time and energy.
If your sense of “enoughness” and the receiving of love and approval is contingent on another person, you will spend a lot of time trying to figure that person out, so that you can get from them what you want and need.
The other person becomes your source for the powerful feelings you want to experience. Not only is this dangerous for you, it never works in the long-term.
And that’s why I want to share the story of The Magical Kitchen with you. It’s a story of self-love. I hope it inspires you to create your own Magical Kitchen.
From Chapter 6 of Don Miguel Ruiz’s book The Mastery of Love—The Magical Kitchen.
© Victoria Tidwell Palmer (2022)
This story is so powerful.
I need to learn how to love myself.
I’ve given birth to 8 children & I love them dearly & have given & given.
They have given me grandchildren whom I love deeply & receive love back from them. They are all precious in my sight. I’ve given & given to my husband & he’s good to take & take & take some more. I don’t know what I want from him & he probably doesn’t know how to give love back.
Our marriage is struggling & I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t really want a divorce. Yet he can tell me everything else I should be doing to make him happy. I’m sure I’ve placed a wall of protection, just to survive.
I’m in counseling & he knows he doesn’t need anyone telling him how to treat his wife.
I need to fill my cup, before I can give more to him. What is your advice to me.
I truly love everything you post & have a great respect for your opinion.
I love your calm sweet voice & love who you are.
I understand the metaphor, but it has me thinking about it this way. When I share the bounty of my magical kitchen with everyone and anyone, I am giving, giving, and giving endlessly. I feel taken advantage of. Then, when someone offers me a pizza, I see it as a gift, and that someone FOR ONCE sees me as worthy of receiving, not just as an endless giver. I think maybe that person likes me because they are not even trying to take advantage. They don’t see me as a free meal ticket like everyone else does. I’d appreciate your thoughts on this.
Hi Cheryl, here’s how I see it:
A person with a Magical Kitchen would not give endlessly to the point that she feels taken advantage of. People with healthy self-love (a Magical Kitchen) don’t do this because to feel taken advantage of is not compatible with love of self or other. She would not be likely to rely on being seen by someone else as worthy of receiving because she already feels worthy, evidenced by having her own Magical Kitchen.💙
Vast ocean of self love! Oh, bring it on! So beautiful!
Thank you so much Vicki for sharing the warmth of your kitchen with us. You always give me new ideas to savor, and I am grateful! Amy
You’re welcome Amy, I’m so glad this resonates with you!💙
Wow— this story resonated so much with me! And the really cool thing is that I heard this very same story being spoken about in another podcast that I heard just today— I think my Higher Power is trying to tell me something. Thanks so much for sharing this!💗💗💗
You’re welcome Valerie, I love the synchronicity!💙
Thanks so much for reading The Magical Kitchen. It made total senses.
Thanks for all your hard work in helping women to understand and to heal themselves. Toni Ortner
Thank you Toni, I’m so glad this resonated with you!💙
Wow…that was so powerful. You hear it all the time: you have to love yourself. If you never experienced love as I child (it happens!), it is impossible to comprehend. For me, once I had children, I experienced real love for the first time. Being loved back is such a magical feeling – it is a magical kitchen.
Hi Lori, I’m so glad this resonated with you!💙